Here are five ways in which I've experienced differences between anger and bitterness. I hope this list will give you a better understanding of what you're feeling and allow you to begin to deal with those feelings. When you get angry you can usually get it to pass rather quickly. This may not always seem like the case but sometimes all you have to do is count to That's an oversimplification but, the point is, anger doesn't last forever.
Maybe you go for a long walk, or hit the gym, or try to get a good night's sleep and you're able to release that anger. You realize that you were upset in the moment, but now that it has passed you feel differently about the situation.
When you're experiencing bitterness you feel an underlying level of misery all the time. Bitterness feeds off of itself. The more bitter you are, the more miserable you feel; and the more miserable you feel, the more bitter you get.
When you become bitter you may focus on revenge , and we all know how bad that is. Anger is a normal emotion and it lets us know when a situation is threatening.
It's okay to feel angry at times if we've been wronged in some way, as long as we don't let that anger get out of control. Bitterness keeps us from being happy.
It keeps us in a constant state of feeling upset. Over time this can make us sick. It can also ruin our relationships with others and get in the way of forming new relationships. Bitterness provides no value. Anger can be managed. If we're feeling angry, there are things we can do to deal with that. We can allow ourselves to get angry in the moment, but then realize that once the moment passes there's no need to hold onto that anger. Bitterness will control us because we won't know how to let it go.
Like I said, bitterness will consume you, and it will be present in every aspect of your life. The feeling of bitterness will dictate how you are in every situation. And, most importantly, it will prevent you from being able to move on. When we feel angry it's because of something that just happened. You can go from not feeling angry to feeling angry with the flip of a switch. If you hold onto that anger then it will last beyond the present moment but it will still be about something that happened fairly recently.
It's not going to be about something that happened months ago. Something may have happened months ago that triggers anger in the present moment, but that will again become anger from a present hurt.
Bitterness lingers from something that happened in the past. Bitterness leads to resentment and holding a grudge. Even possibly wanting revenge. Bitterness is always there. You feel so hurt by something that was done to you in your past that you feel hurt all of the time. You're not able to process that hurt in a way that will allow you to think about it without feeling bitter. We all know what anger looks like, right? It's someone yelling and fuming over something that happened. Maybe they're throwing things or slamming things.
It's impossible to talk to them. Anger involves loud emotional outbursts like this. Anger is "I'm mad and I want to make sure you know it.
Bitterness, on the other hand, is more internal. Typically, only the person who feels bitter will know about it. Bitterness like to quietly fester. If it festers to the point of making itself known to others then it has done so in the form of an angry outburst. The brunt of anger is felt by the person on the receiving end while the brunt of bitterness is felt by the person who harbors it. Bitterness is something that the embittered person stews in while no one knows about it.
I hope this list has helped you better understand the difference between anger and bitterness, because there certainly is a difference. In the next post I will be writing more about bitterness, in particular, and how bitterness only affects you and not the person or people you feel bitter towards. I'll also try to explain how bitterness can be overcome. Please keep in mind that all comments are moderated to ensure mutual respect. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation.
Hi Melissa, I am a survivor myself and I see myself as being very strong but still have a lot to work through. Still not full night sleeps but better thanks to your podcasts. So I really appreciate that you have done so many and as you are currently taking a break from them I am not looking forward to reaching the end but what it have done is inspire me to help others too.
I have set a group up on Facebook called Mind your mind and heart. People can talk to me privately or just look at links etc. Thank you so much! Ive been stuck on rage and bitterness, have passive agressive ways of hurting others, wven wmotionally manipulating what i learnt from my mum …. Im gonna check out more posts o this, and i guess the key is to telease the anger youve accumulated?
And so the bitterness will resolve on its own? Thank you for helping define the differences. My ex and his lack of financial support for our young child. Is this gaslighting? Am I supposed to just stay silent? If I raise it with friends, they say I need to focus on the positives and that I focus too much on the money side of things.
A feminist issue. But at my own personal level, my bitterness is not helpful and bad for me. Would love to hear more about how resentment enters into the equation, especially the difference between resentment and bitterness. Hi Melissa Thank you so much for your five key differences between anger and bitterness,come to think of your article on anger and bitterness,I shall be presenting a talk on one of these…Bitterness Thank you so much.
Forgiveness means different things to different people. Generally, however, it involves a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always be with you, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help free you from the control of the person who harmed you. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or excusing the harm done to you or making up with the person who caused the harm. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind. Forgiveness can lead to:. Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root.
If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. But even if you're a grudge holder, almost anyone can learn to be more forgiving. Forgiveness is a commitment to a personalized process of change. To move from suffering to forgiveness, you might:.
As you let go of grudges, you'll no longer define your life by how you've been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding. Forgiveness can be challenging, especially if the person who's hurt you doesn't admit wrong. If you find yourself stuck:. If the hurtful event involved someone whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness can lead to reconciliation.
This isn't always the case, however. Reconciliation might be impossible if the offender has died or is unwilling to communicate with you. In other cases, reconciliation might not be appropriate. Still, forgiveness is possible — even if reconciliation isn't.
Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. If the person does not let go of this anger within him, it turns into bitterness.
The person becomes resentful, disappointed and even full of hatred but has no means of letting go of these emotions that are weighing him down. Unlike anger that prevails for a short time, bitterness can last for a long time. For some people, bitterness lasts a lifetime where the individual changes completely to a resentful, unpleasant person.
His life becomes one of misery and has a negative impact on the person. When a person is bitter, he is not dwelling on a present situation but a past situation to which he has not found a resolution of making peace with himself. This highlights that bitterness and anger are not the same, but two different emotions.
On some occasions, people can hold on to bitter emotions for even a lifetime. Coming from Engineering cum Human Resource Development background, has over 10 years experience in content developmet and management.
Your email address will not be published. A boy who is grounded can feel angry about that. A pinched and bitter facial expression. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published.
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